Thursday, April 17, 2008

Welcome to playoff hockey, 'lil Ovie and Mr. Wise

By Steven Lienert
The Phanatic Magazine

If there's anybody with a sense of humor sitting in the Flyers' press box tonight, they'll have some sliced up cheese sitting next to Washington Post columnist Mike Wise's laptop.

You know, to go along with his whine.

Here are some excerpts from his column following the poor Capitals loss to the Flyers in Game 3:

“Something about this R-rated environment is just not conducive to Ted Leonsis' Family Pack Night or Ovie on Ice. The contrasts are so stark and revealing.”

What is this, the Ice Capades? Welcome to Stanley Cup playoff hockey, Mr. Wise. As great as Alex Ovechkin, or lil' Ovie, will be, the Flyers are making him look like a lost little boy that suddenly finds himself waaaay over his head in a bad neighborhood.

“The Caps' postseason slogan: "Rock The Red." The Flyers? "Vengeance Now," which comes across as less of a slogan and more of a sequel to Charles Bronson's "Death Wish." The Capitals didn't come out as Eastern Conference foes; they entered the playing surface like Russell Crowe entered the Coliseum in "Gladiator." Flyer fans didn't want to beat Washington as much as see Ovechkin bludgeoned, his teammates emasculated.”

Wow. Flyers fans should come up with a cool nickname for the team sometime. They play on Broad Street and they treat other teams like they're big bullies. Mommy! Why do you think Pittsburgh tanked the last game of the regular season against the Flyers? Because they knew what was coming. The Capitals, their fans and their owner were all just happy to make the playoffs after winning a terrible division. Next year they can lift their phony banner to the rafters and celebrate Craps hockey. And 'Rock the Red' is pretty corny. Somebody should get fired for that.

“It's almost impossible to fathom, but the Capitals took the ice in front of a building as loud as Verizon Center last Friday. The fans wore orange instead of the Capitals' red, and many of the women and children looked as if they could work security for Megadeth.”

Now that's just a cheap shot. I guess he decided to pick on the women and children because he was afraid to walk back into the Wachovia Center tonight and face the men. Perhaps he's picking on Flyers fans and their passion, which a word quite foreign to the transient society down in DC. Maybe if Caps fans cared more, they would demand more from their team than what they're getting. Oh yeah – there's no building anywhere that can possibly be louder than Verizon Center down in DC. If this were a text message it would end with LOL.

“On I-95 entering town there is a billboard of Riley Cote, a stumpy rogue who engaged in 24 fights this season, twice as many as Capitals tough guy Donald Brashear. Cote's wild-man eyes and his quick fists are the only features shown of the Flyers' player. Five minutes into the game, they showed a video of Philly's top brawls this past season, many involving Cote grabbing hold of an opponents' shirt for leverage before pummeling him to the ice, which is just a swell environment for children -- children of Patrick Roy.”

The children, Mr. Wise? Really? You mean the ones you described as looking as if they could work security for Megadeath? Give me a break. The Caps barely deserve to be in the playoffs and the Flyers are treating them like the red-headed stepchildren they are. Frankly, the Flyers should be going for the sweep tonight. Instead, they get to pummel and embarrass the Capitals in front of their home fans one more time. All to the delight of the Broad Street Barbarians.

LOL, Mr. Wise. LOL.

Steve Lienert can be reached at

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