By John McMullen
Philadelphia, PA (The Phanatic Magazine) - "Grumpy Old Men" was a 1993 comedy
starring Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau and Ann Margret.
The film followed the travails of two elderly Wabasha, Minnesota widowers,
John Gustafson (Lemmon) and Max Goldman (Matthau), who played lifelong
neighbors that carried on a rivalry over just about everything.
Some people loved it.
I use the term "comedy" very loosely to describe it, but it did gross over $70
million at the box office, nothing to sneeze at in 1993. So, despite my
negative review, a sequel called "Grumpier Old Men" was released in 1995 and
trumped the first by grossing $71 million.
Despite the box office success, Mark Steven Johnson, who wrote both
screenplays, never went for the trilogy. Johnson has never enjoyed the same
kind of success since abandoning the "Grumpy Old Men" theme but is still
bouncing around Hollywood, most recently writing the pilot for a TV adaptation
of Preacher that was recently shelved by HBO.
Since he needs a new project, it's not out of the question that Johnson
revisits his greatest triumph.
Of course both Lemmon and Matthau have long passed, meaning a new project
would have to undertake a casting call.
I am recommending Shaquille O'Neal and Stan Van Gundy for the parts.
Van Gundy doesn't have the acting chops but is a natural for the role, so I am
anticipating having to sell people on Shaq, despite his two Razzie Award
nominations.
The big guy is certainly old -- at least by NBA standards -- and if his
reaction to Van Gundy's accusation of flopping is any indication, he's
getting grumpier by the minute.
O'Neal called his former coach "a master of panic," a "nobody" and "a
front-runner" before his game against the Miami Heat on Wednesday.
"One thing I really despise is a frontrunner," O'Neal said. "I know for a fact
he's a master of panic and when it gets time for his team to go into the
postseason and do certain things, he will let them down because of his panic.
I've been there before. I've played for him."
The mini-feud erupted in the third quarter of the Suns' game with the Magic on
Tuesday when O'Neal was checking his heir apparent as the game's most dominant
big man, Dwight Howard.
Superman the sequel made a spin move on the original and O'Neal fell to the
floor like he was Vlade Divac. There was no whistle and Howard deposited an
easy jam.
Van Gundy certainly overreacted saying he was "shocked" by Shaq's devious
attempt to draw an offensive foul.
"I was shocked and disappointed because he knows what it's like," Van Gundy
said after the game. "You know, let's stand up and play like men, and I think
our guy did that."
O'Neal, who played for Van Gundy in South Beach, took the bait.
"Flopping is playing like that your whole career," O'Neal said. "I was trying
to take a charge, trying to get a call. Yeah, it probably was a flop, but
flopping is wrong. Flopping would describe his coaching.
"I'm not going to sit around and let nobodies take shots at me. He is a nobody
to me. If he thinks he can get a little press conference and take shots at me
like I'm not [going to] take one back, he has another thing coming."
I'm not sure Shaq can pull off living in a Minnesota suburb but his acting
career has been in a funk since "Blue Chips" and "Kazaam."
A solid supporting role in the "Shaq Episode" of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" was
more than offset by awful cameos in "Scary Movie 4" and "The House Bunny."
"Grumpy Old Shaq" has got box office written all over it.
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