Worst Month Ever

By Tim McManus

Welcome, December.

Being a Philadelphia fan is always excruciating. We're tortured, we accept it, we show off the scars whenever we get the chance.

But this past month was too much for even this grizzled base to endure.

This town's punchless right now. As one piece of bad to team-crippling news piled upon the next hope was slowly extinguished, leaving Philadelphia apathetic for the first time in my lifetime.

Birds are on the decline; Flyers are lost; ditto the Sixers...So you're saying our best chance is the Phillies? Really? Uh, wake me up when we have a shot...

Without further ado, I present 'The Month That Ruined Philly Sports':

Nov. 16 - Chris Webber, unhappy with his role in the City of Brotherly Love, throws the Sacramento Bee this gem: "I'm not going to keep playing like this," Webber told the Bee after he managed just six points in 23 minutes when the Sixers toppled Seattle, 96-90. "I don't like this role. So you can take that however you want." Here's how I'm gonna take it, Chris: I'm gonna assume you mean that you're going to fake a back ailment so you don't have your precious stats jeopardized because of limited minutes; bide your time and wait for a teammate to go down before you're miraculously healed; then come back when no one can steal playing time from you. That about right?

Nov. 19 - The Eagles fall to Tennessee 31-13 in a must win game, and more significantly, lose Donovan McNabb to an ACL tear on a seemingly innocuous play. It is later revealed that the star quarterback could be sidelined for a full year.

Nov. 19 - It is announced that the Chicago Cubs have inked Alfonso Soriano to an eight-year, $136 million contract, taking the Phillies' most coveted free agent off the market.

Nov. 20 - Andre Waters, one of the most beloved defensive players in Philadelphia history, commits suicide.

Nov. 21 - Ryan Howard helps ease the city-wide pain by taking home the National League MVP, but Mayor Street quickly taints the moment by calling the star slugger "Ron" repeatedly during a ceremony at City Hall.

Nov. 24 - Carlos Lee signs with the Houston Astros, leaving Pat Burrell as the best viable option for the Phillies in left.

Nov. 25 - Rookie defensive tackle Broderick Bunkley misses the team flight to Indianapolis and is deactivated for the game. When later questioned, Bunkley says he was late because he had to pick up chicken for the veterans.

Nov. 26 - The Eagles get thrashed for over 200 yards on the ground and fall to Indy, 45-21.

Nov. 28 - Veteran long-snapper Mike Bartrum is placed on the injured reserve beacause of a mysterious neck injury. He is replaced by Jon Dorenbos, who doubles as a magician (sadly, this is not a joke).

Nov. 29 - It is reported that the Phillies have backed off their two-year offer to reliever Joe Borowski upon doctor's reccomendations.

Nov. 29 - Allen Iverson skips a team meet-and-greet at a bowling alley, and later blames it on effects from his tooth ailment, which also forced him to miss two games.

Nov. 29 - McNabb has surgery on his right knee. Headlines across the web read: "McNabb's status for 2007 uncertain."

Nov. 30 - Shavlik Randolph sustains a major injury to his left ankle. A quote from Maurice Cheeks: "I saw players just running around and screaming. It was something bad. I've never seen anything like it in my life."

Nov. 30 - Newark Star Ledger reports that a second man accused of running a gambling ring with former Flyer icon Rick Tocchet will plead guilty and agree to cooperate with authorities.

Eagles record in November: 1-2

Sixers record in November: 5-9

Flyers record in November: 5-10

Combined record: 11-21

On the bright side, we did lock up Wes Helms.