A step ahead

By John McMullen

If you ever run across Bud Selig or Roger Goodell, you might find a couple of preoccupied, even paranoid individuals.

You see, something is lurking in the shadows that could expose them both. And it’s far more sinister than Chris Griffin’s Evil Monkey.

It’s something that has the brain wizards that run major league sports shaking in their sleep -- For the first time, Olympic athletes are expected to be regularly tested for Human Growth Hormone by the end of this year.

HGH is usually confused with steroids since both are considered to be performance enhancers in the world of sports and many athletes “stacked” (used congruently) the two drugs for better results.

But, HGH is far different and most athletes say far better. The hormone offers a different type of muscle density withouts some obvious side effects. HGH rarely changes the facial look of users, unlike steroids which often resulted in a thicker forehead and longer chin.

It also helps people recover from injuries much faster and acts as an anti-aging capacity, allowing athletes to extend the primes of their careers. Some renegade doctors have even called HGH, the fountain of youth.

Because of the expense, it is far more common among the wealthy and that’s why you see so many minor league players caught in MLB’s tainted dragnet, while the big leaguers cheat with impunity. And, let’s not just pick on baseball -- football is just as dirty and if anyone cared about hockey, I would castigate them as well.

But the decision-makers need not worry. The key here isn’t winning -- it’s staying ahead of the curve and letting medical science continue to evolve.

When the cheaters (players) and their enablers (owners) heard there was about to be a legitimate blood test for HGH, it was time to spring in to action. The various players’ associations have already formulated a game plan and will legally challenge any blood tests -- citing privacy rights . Meanwhile, the owners might hem and haw for spin‘s (and congress’) sake, while clandestinely winking at their dance partners.

This will keep any real, substantive testing tied up in the courts for years.

By the time the good guys develop a urine teat -- something the head of The World Anti-Doping Agency has said is a decade away. -- HGH will be a dinosaur.

And its users out of reach -- a step ahead.

-You can read John's column on this page every Saturday and you can reach him at jmcmullen@phanaticmag.com