The Real Losers – 10,000 times over

By Jeff Glauser
The Phanatic Magazine

Alright, it’s over. 10,000 losses. Let’s end the needless hype, especially when the Phillies’ latest defeat looked awfully similar to thousands of others.

In fact, we pretty much know what to expect of our ballclub after 125 years. Instead of predictable disappointment at this juncture, one can only bank on pleasant surprises down the road.

All things considered, the Phillies haven’t let me down nearly as much as the sport they play has.

Baseball, under the reign of Bud Selig - title bearer of The Most Incompetent Commissioner in the History of Sport, has regressed from America’s Past Time to Past Its Prime. Football and Basketball have long surpassed it in terms of popularity (and football, for certain, in quality of product), and NASCAR – as much as it nauseates me to say – is not far behind.

Once treasured records have been broken and rebroken to the point where the longstanding mystique of numbers such as ‘61’ and ‘755’ forever lost its reverence. This in and of itself is a devastating fact for a sport which relies – and prides itself on – its statistical achievements more than any other.

Expansion has vastly diluted the talent level, steroids has contributed to skewering the numbers of the game itself and the incredibly shrinking stadium creations have made things laughable (poor Harry Kalas has gotten so confused that lately he’s begun to call practically every routine fly ball a home run).

The Phils may have 10,000 losses. But I have just as many reasons why the real loser is MLB itself. And just as many suggestions to get things back to the game I used to love more than any other.

A sampling, if you will:

Suggestion #9,846: Enforce minimum distance requirements in every ballpark outfield. This has gotten out of control. Home runs used to mean something. If you hit 30, you were on top of your game. Nowadays, a backup shortstop could hit 20 and no one would bat an eye. Home field advantage is one thing, but ask Phillies fans about now if they’d prefer a Vet-style spaciousness on the field in return for a few pitchers duels.

Suggestion #6,231: Ditch the DH. The curious frustration of the dead ball era inspired the creation of the dumbest role in all of sports. How is this any different than creating a “Designated Shooter” in basketball (though didn’t Chris Webber play that part while he was in town?). Playing the field is part of the game. If you can’t cut it, either sit on the bench or stop being lazy and practice! Same for pitchers: You’re a professional ballplayer, you’ve had a bat in your hand for most of your life and yet we praise them if they can flirt with the Mendoza Line? Take some batting practice – and take off those warm up jackets when you’re running the bases, you pansies.

Suggestion #4,956: Bye-Bye, Sunshine State. The ownership in Tampa and South Florida don’t really care about their respective teams. Worse yet, the fans don’t seem to, either. Contracting two teams would significantly raise the quality of play in baseball and ensure that less undeserving stiffs can the call up for the Big Show. So let’s do everyone a favor and save the trips for Florida for Spring Training and the trips to see your retired grandparents.

Suggestion #1,149: Put a Cap On It! The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Sounds like the Republican economic philosophy for our country? Perhaps, but it’s also the one in play for baseball. Teams used to become champions by building a solid farm system and maneuvering timely trades to fill in the necessary holes. Now, the keys for success – at least if you’re an alleged “big market” team – is to participate in a bidding war. Create a salary cap and then you’ll find out truly how good general managers such as Brian Cashman and Theo Epstein are when they don’t have an open checkbook in their pockets.

Suggestion #460: Figure Out This Interleague Crap. Does anyone know from one year to the next how interleague play works? What the hell’s a “natural rival” and how did ours become Toronto? Why, after almost a decade of this system, are there still teams that haven’t played against each other? Either give each squad a home-and-home series during the year (you’d think with an interminable 162-game schedule, time can be squeezed in), or rotate yearly the scheduled games by division, a la the NFL. The intrigue of interleague play has long worn off, but the logic can still be saved.

Suggestion #1: Smoke Bud! Teflon Commish Selig even impresses our president by doing so much egregiously wrong yet holding onto his job. A new direction is needed desperately – this time one without ties to a particular ballclub and, more importantly, one with the big brass ones to stand up to the Players Association once and for all.

There are thousands of other ways, I’m certain, to save a sport which once prided itself on tradition and loyalty. Both, it seems, have gone by the wayside in recent past, just like another 10-2 Phillies defeat.

One is somewhat commonplace after all the years. The other is far more disturbing.