Norv Turner?

By John McMullen

Only in the NFL can an abject failure be the prize in a bidding war.

Think about it -- you will never see the San Antonio Spurs and Miami Heat fighting over a Tim Floyd and you are never likely to witness the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox haggling over Pat Corrales.

Nope -- owners in other sports seem to learn from their mistakes.

On the other hand two of the most storied franchises in NFL history -- the Dallas Cowboys and the San Francisco 49ers -- are wrangling over Norv Turner!

Most remember Turner made his bones over a decade ago as offensive coordinator for Jimmy Johnson when Dallas won back to back Super Bowls in 1992 and 1993. He received much of the credit for the success of an extremely simplistic offense and for making Troy Aikman into a franchise quarterback.

In reality, Turner was handed Hall of Fame type talent that virtually anyone could have succeeded with and his biggest accomplishment was convincing Aikman that he was responsible for the former UCLA star’s success.

Turner parlayed that house of cards into a couple of head coaching positions and three more stops as an offensive coordinator over the past 13 years.

In seven seasons as the mentor of the Washington Redskins Turner went a dismal 49-59-1 despite piloting a team that spent more money than most third world countries. The ‘Skins made the playoffs only once during his tenure but that didn’t stop San Diego and Miami from hiring him to run their offenses, while Turner waited for another desperate owner to give him a chance at the top spot again.

His dream came true when Al Davis fired the coach that got him to the Super Bowl -- Bill Callahan -- and hired Turner despite his less than impressive resume. “The offensive genius” repaid Dracula with a 5-11 record in 2004 followed by a 4-12 mark in 2005, before Davis fended off dementia for a few minutes and fired the league's biggest fraud.

Amazingly Turner landed on his feet again and hoodwinked the Niners, who brought him in as offensive coordinator in 2006. It took just one year for Turner and his agent to deceive the league yet again and who better to bamboozle than the guy who bid against himself for Terrell Owens -- Dallas’ Jerry Jones.

It looks like Jones has ditched plastic surgery and settled on a new hobby -- embarrassing himself. So, Turner will undoubtedly be his first choice to replace Bill Parcells. In fact, it looks like the NFL’s Joan Rivers is intent on letting Turner swing and miss for strike three.

But, amazingly enough, Jones might not get the chance. The 49ers are actually offering Turner a nice incentive package in a bid to keep him from interviewing for the Cowboys' job.

Who knew being a failure could be so lucrative?

- You can join the Norv Turner fan club by writing John McMullen at jmcmullen1@comcast.net.


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The Phanatic