Here Is King's chance to become sponge-worthy

By Jeff Glauser

Sometimes epiphanies occur in the least likely of places – like while watching TBS during dinner.

Earlier this week, I partook in a Seinfeld rerun, the one where George – a lifelong sufferer of Foot-in-Mouth Disease – decides to do the opposite of what his instincts tell him to do.

Instantly, he is a changed man.

This got me to thinking. We, as Philly sports fans, are also lifelong sufferers. Unfortunately, for us, it’s beyond our control. Therefore, in this winter of discontent, a season of Catch 22’s, one of both depression and confusion, one where we cringe at both a Sixers loss and a win, what is one to do except look beyond the present doldrums and search for brighter days?

Days which are currently being directed by Billy King – an ironic last name for a man who seems to possess the reverse Midas Touch with every personnel move he makes.

But what if Philly’s Anti-Midas happened to pull a George Costanza?

Think for a moment how monumental disasters in recent years could have been avoided:

Instead of tearing apart the most exciting, hard working, overachieving, entertaining basketball team we’ve seen in almost a generation (that of the 2001 variety), let the injuries take their course, keep the nucleus, and allow the chance for lightening to strike twice.

Instead of signing the likes of Sam Dalembert, Willie Green and Kyle Korver to contracts which last for eternity and are exponentially larger than anyone in the open market would pay, give them bubkus (which in NBA terms is still more than most will ever see in a lifetime) and, oh, here’s a concept: let them EARN their keep! At least then, the next Dalembert “Ole!” or Korver broken ankle on defense, or the next Green brick on offense (he must be building a mansion) will seem far more palatable considering the investment.

Instead of waiting mere weeks to trade Allen Iverson, who ultimately pulled the strings and dictated where his fate would lie, how about laying low for a while, let him sweat it out, wait, perhaps, until the trade deadline approaches, when an air of desperation creeps into the minds of would-be contenders searching for the elusive final piece, then up the ante?

Instead of trading for Chris Webber and Matt Barnes, keeping one around long enough to ensure further regression of the team and dumping the other to allow him to become the front runner for Comeback Player of the Year, maybe - just maybe - switch the fates of the two?

Instead of re-signing (and, of course, overpaying) career journeyman Kevin Ollie to join the squad for the 18th time… don’t!

Now the Sixers are poised for three No. 1 draft picks come June, one a sure lottery pick. Furthermore, they should have a few bucks to spend on free agent talent come the offseason. The chances for a quick change of fate seem at least feasible. Yet, the prospects of successful decision-making lie in the hands of our King, the one who touches his share of things, but that’s surely not gold we see it turning.

Mr. King, in these months that lie ahead, months certain to remain symbolically cold and dreary even when the literal temperature indicates otherwise, do us all a favor and listen to your instincts – then do the exact opposite.

Only then can there be a Festivus for the rest of us.

Disagree with Jeff’s sitcom analogy? Feel free to bark a “No soup for you!” at send2jg@hotmail.com.


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The Phanatic