By John Gottlieb
What kind of magical world do we live in? I was enjoying the remaining moments of my Christmas holiday, being rolled from party to party and getting ready to head back to the working world, when I heard on the radio the reports that the Yankees are having trade talks with the Diamondbacks for...Randy Johnson.
RANDY JOHNSON!
It was just hours earlier that I was enjoying my fart pen, magnet highlighting George W. Bush's last day in office and toilet paper with 43's face on it, but this could be the greatest gift of all. Maybe there really is a Santa Claus.
I decided to move on. I probably heard the report wrong. Let's face it, I've been gorging myself on food for the last two days, getting drunk (literally and figuratively...three straight days off from work will do that to you if you're a sports writer), overcoming the loss of Nenad Krstic and trying to dream up a scenario of how heartbreaking a Jets loss to Miami on Christmas night would be. I wasn't thinking clearly.
How could anybody want a surly left-hander, who had a career-worst 5.00 ERA last season, and coming off back surgery?
Johnson, a five-time Cy Young Award winner and 20 wins shy of 300, is 34-19 in two years with the Yanks, including a 4.37 ERA. He has also struggled in the postseason, going 0-1 with a 6.92 ERA in three appearances.
I'd been running around all day and just got over an emotional Jets win that should guide them to a first-round playoff loss and thought I would end my day watching Sportscenter. (He truly is Mangenious.)
After the umpteen spots with Sean Salisbury, the ESPN clowns teased me with the Big Unit talk coming up after a commercial break. They suckered me in for a few more minutes, but they took too long.
And while I'm on it lets not forget that Salisbury had a stellar five-year career with Indy, Minnesota and San Diego, completing 55 percent of his passes with 19 TDs and 19 picks. Do we need to have this blowhard, who wasn't even a good backup quarterback, shoved down our throats? What, was John Clayton too busy? Was Michael Irvin looking for another suit that makes you want to puke up your Christmas dinner? Enough with Salisbury! We don't need to see him in six different segments, but I digress.
Sure enough, these reports are not make believe, there are TEAMS that seem to be interested in acquiring a $16 million, 43-year-old pitcher. That's right TEAMS, there is more than just one.
Now I have a flashback to when I'm eight and it's X-Mas eve and I'm in my den with a fire blazing and a mound of wrapped gifts under a spectacular tree. I'm so excited that I don't even sleep in my room. I stay in the den all night long and look at the clock as the time ticks slowly away. Christmas will never get here.
It's not just Arizona, which Johnson guided to a 2001 World Series title against the Yankees, also rumored to be talking to the Bombers are the Padres, Angels, Dodgers and Giants.
All right this must be a salary dump, the Yankees will do what they always do when they make a mistake...pay somebody to go away and succeed on a different team. But no, the Yanks are not going to pay another team off and are talking about getting some legitimate players in return.
I just hope that Brian Cashman pulls this deal off while the egg nog is still flowing before these franchises come to their senses. You can point back to Johnson as the last outlandish move that Cashman made before slowly changing the outlook of foolishly doling out money to overpaid, over-the-hill superstars.
They gave up nothing to get Bobby Abreu, they brought back solid, young arms in the trade for Gary Sheffield, they righted a wrong committed three years ago when Andy Pettitte left New York, and they took a chance on a Japanese pitcher.
Other than that, they have been quiet on the free agent front, even though they have an aging rotation, no starting first baseman or hard-throwing lefty in the bullpen, and they still have A-Rod. Of course this may change if a deal gets consummated and the Yankees go after Barry Zito and/or Roger Clemens.
We know that Arte Moreno is not scared to spend the money for the Angels, but I'm going to eliminate them because that could really come back to bite the Yankees in the postseason.
The D'Backs have a young team and are looking for help to fill the seats despite the fact that they have the reigning NL Cy Young Award winner. It was only two years ago that these two teams came together to send the Big Unit to New York and on his first day in the Big Apple he shoved a cameraman. We should've known right there.
They have plenty of good, young pitching, starting with Dustin Nippert, but I don't see a match. It's too much money for Arizona to take back.
But Johnson, who has a full no-trade clause, does live near Phoenix and is owed roughly $40 million in deferred salary from his first stint with Arizona. Maybe the Unit could delay some of those payments to sweeten the deal.
Brad Penny is out there from the Dodgers, but the Yanks would almost certainly want some of Los Angeles' younger players, namely James Loney or Chad Billinglsey, etc...it's not going to happen. If they wouldn't do it for Manny Ramirez, they won't do it for Johnson.
That leaves the Giants, who are desperate to replace the wins coming from the loss of Jason Schmidt, and the Padres, who have opened the purse strings and are committed to being perennial title contenders.
Even though he's had a problem staying healthy, Noah Lowry would be a good start with San Francisco, which needs the most help and may make the strongest push.
However, San Diego seems to be more than happy to deal Scott Linebrink, who's been phenomenal at the back of the bullpen. Here is another team with the right pieces to put a deal together and willing to add money to the payroll.
The D'Backs and Dodgers are ranked near the top in best farm systems so the Yankees will probably make concessions to get a deal done with them, but either way New York fans may still have one more gift to unwrap.
If not, at least I have a fart pen.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS.
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