Sad but predictable day for Mitchell, baseball

By John McMullen
The Phanatic Magazine

You can close the curtain on the biggest dog and pony show in sports history.

Former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell unveiled his "report" on performance-enhancing drugs in Major League Baseball Thursday.

The much-anticipated 311-page tome revealed the names of numerous players who purchased and possibly used performance enhancing substances after a 20-month investigation...as long as you weren't a key cog for Mitchell's beloved Boston Red Sox.

I almost couldn't write this column after an incorrect list of players in the Mitchell report circulated in The Phanatic Magazine newsroom about 90 minutes before the fraud himself stepped to the podium in New York.

The fake list included the name of Jason Varitek and I was going to be forced to admit Mitchell was on the level.

But, then the real deal was posted and I was jolted back to reality. The biggest names not previously tainted by rampant accusations were future Hall of Fame pitcher Roger Clemens along with his friend and former teammate with the New York Yankees, Andy Pettitte.

Big shock there...It was ludicrous that MLB commissioner Bud Selig asked Mitchell to head baseball's steroid investigation. As a lifelong fan of the BoSox and a director in the team's front office, Mitchell was a walking conflict of interest.

Sure, if the senator had some sense he might have thrown a fringe guy like a Gabe Kapler or a former star and obvious abuser like Nomar Garciaparra under the bus to cover his ass, but he wasn't even smart enough to do that.

The closest Mitchell got to his own team was slapping Eric Gagne on the wrist, a player Sox fans revile and is already off to Milwaukee, and naming Brendan Donnelly, an afterthought who wan't tendered.

Sacred cows like David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez and Varitek knew they could all sleep soundly last night, knowing baseball's top cop had no interest in any of their personal habits, as look as they kept providing wins and the occasional autograph.

Sure all three of those players are the type of neon lights that Eddie Adams described to Jack Horner in a Southern California hot tub but why make things messy for your own club?

"When I close my eyes, I see this thing, a sign, I see this name in bright blue neon lights with a purple outline. And this name is so bright and so sharp that the sign - it just blows up because the name is so powerful... It says, "Dirk Diggler," Adams told Horner.

I see that same sign -- except it says Ortiz, Ramirez, Varitek, Josh Beckett and Dustin Pedroia.

There is a reason Congress' approval ratings are 22 percent while the most hated President of the last half-century can garner 37 percent support.

Our senators and congressman are practiced in the art of deception and even though Mitchell left Washington behind a long time ago, he has never left that culture behind.

Like any impotent democrat that preys on the fears of the lower and middle class, Mitchell did everything he could to protect the people that elevated him to his undeserved position of power.

Well done Senator.