Snow White and the Dwarf

By Jared Trexler

The rain saved the Phillies from getting swept out of Boston on Sunday. Now,the 'Fightless Phils get to spend another night on Beantown. Brett Myers should stay behind and let his anger out on something other than the woman he vowed to love, honor and protect.

Fittingly, Philadelphia will take the field in another "make-or-break" game tomorrow afternoon at 1 p.m., primetime for daytime viewers.

For the Phillies have turned from a National League contender to baseball's version of "Sands Through an Hour Glass" faster than Charlie Manuel can say "done good."

Jimmy Rollins is the character who just doesn't get it. He shows flashes of success at the plate only to revert back to bad habits when the going gets tough. You want to like him -- his carefree attitude mixed with an outward passion for the game. But he just refuses to change. All an audience can do is shake its collective head.

Aaron Rowand is the rough, tough guy with a lifetime free pass courtesy of a few drops of blood and a broken nose. The center fielder can air-mall 10 more throws over the catcher, continually fail to hit the cutoff man and strike out with runners in scoring position. It doesn't matter. He's a winner. He's a good guy. He cares when he fails (as opposed to the player who nonchalantly succeeds, aka Bobby Abreu).

Abreu is the town's whipping boy. No matter what he does, criticism rains down from the proverbial heavens. Walk with two men on base? He's leaving it up toPat Burrell. Singles home a run in the first frame? He's padding the stats before the late innings.

Cole Hamels is the child prodigy. Mike Lieberthal is the aging employee who has hung on for too long. Myers hits women. Burrell at times plays and runs like one.

Manuel may have a tough time spelling the word.

Have no fear, Rick White is here to save the day. White can spread the wealth in the clubhouse, passing on the frequent flyer miles saved from a lifetime trip around the league. The right-hander is just another bullpen arm who works the corner -- offering his services to any team willing to pay minimum wage.

The Dwarf (Manuel) will use Snow White late in games then stumble to the podium and in kindergarten speak, explain the rationale behind the double switch.

And this franchise wonders why it continues to fail. An optimist would even have to agree that the glass is half empty.

So, as the rain continues to pelt down on Fenway Park it is time to call off work on Monday. Give yourself a three-day weekend and tune in to the finale of this month-long cliffhanger.

Poor play has been building. The characters have developed to the point where we (the fans) can miss a few episodes and still know what's going on.

Rollins pops up. Utley singles. Abreu lazily walks. Burrell strikes out with one foot on the ground. The opponent walks Howard. Rowand flies out with the bases loaded, but seems pissed in doing so.

The order then reverts to the top (fans forget batters 7-9 on purpose).

Jon Leiber has neck spasms from turning to watch balls soar into the seats. Myers shows irritation on a borderline pitch. He shows physical restraint with the men in blue.

Every episode is the same. The viewers are starting to get bored. In order to reclaim its spot on the top of the daytime television rankings, "Snow White and the Dwarf," needs to cap its cliffhanger with something that sends shock waves through the baseball world.

Watch tomorrow. Expect a conclusion. Stay tuned...

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Copyright 2006 The Phanatic