The Height of Hypocrisy

By John McMullen

Time to bring back The Phanatic fraud alert.

The latest recipient of an award that is far too easy to give away in today's sports world is the one and only Roger Clemens.

Clemens is MLB's version of Brett Favre. A once revered figure that is now nothing more than a punch line. Clemens craves attention more than a coked-up Hollywood actress looking to catch the eye of Spielberg or Tarantino.

Worse than that, he's got more lives than Jason Vorhees...The burly Clemens should have taken up boxing where "fake" retirements are a way of life.

When Clemens walked off the field for the "last time" in the 2003 WorldSeries, he told the New York Yankees he was done. Clemens told his New York fans that being a Yankee was the pinnacle of his career and nothing could top it.

When he came back the next season in Houston, Clemens spun a story that would have made Bill Clinton blush. The star pitcher was only returning because Houston was home and because Andy Pettitte, his best friend and former Yankee teammate, was on the Astros. Yep, Houston was the only team he would ever play for.

Well, the seven-time Cy Young winner finally put the wraps on his "2006 feign-retirement tour" this week when he agreed to come back and save his hometown Astros yet again.

But Clemens sure had no problem letting New York, Boston and Texas woo him with private planes, champagne wishes and caviar dreams.

Of course, in the end, the future Hall of Famer technically lived up to his hollow words and was kind enough to spurn his other suitors for the "hometown discount" of $22 million.

Doesn't sound like much of a discount to you?

Well remember, it's a prorated $22 million...The Sox and the Bombers would have likely had to fork over the entire sum to gain the services of the fraudulent one.

But, I'm sure Clemens will sleep soundly on his latest pile of money and really isn't that all that matters?