Go Figure

By Michael Rushton

Forget Billy Penn, the Madden cover jinx or Pat Burrell's high strikeout rate; I think I may have discovered the latest hex to hit a Philadelphia sports team.

I believe the Phillies have been McFarlaneized.

Yes, I am talking about those seemingly harmless miniature replicas of our favorite Phillies that take up endless amounts of room on our shelves. Todd McFarlane -- owner of historic home run balls hit by such icons as BarryBonds, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa -- is to blame for our recent woes (and maybe the trio of sluggers' problems as well).

Just consider the list of Phillies to be immortalized in amazingly detailed plastic: Burrell, Jim Thome, Billy Wagner and Bobby Abreu.

Each player has never been the same since.

Burrell, whose figure hit stores in 2003, even got a double whammy as he was also released in a Big League Challenge uniform in addition to his Phillies wear after a breakout 2002 campaign. And how did our prized left fielder wrapup his 2003 campaign post-figure? Does a .209 batting average ring a bell? How about a whopping 64 runs batted in?

Surprisingly, Burrell's replica did not include a home plate umpire ringing him up looking as an accessory.

Thome's figure also hit shelves in 2003, but saw a delay in the curse as he clubbed 47 homers that year. However, just two years later, Thome suffered through injuries and had to leave town to escape the jinx.

Perhaps one reason Thome curved the curse until 2005 was no Phillie was inserted into one of Todd's lineups until that year when Philadelphia's former closer Wagner was released in clamshell packaging.

2005 was coincidentally Wagner's last season in Philly and I'm almost willing to bet that Wagner's 2004 injuries popped up about the same time McFarlane's manufacturers constructed Wagner's figure mold.

And what did Abreu's 2005 home run derby championship net him? How about his own figure in early 2006.

Thanks, Todd.

Now, Abreu, who has just eight home runs so far this season, will be shipped out of town to save his career in a far away land.

Why should we be afraid? Because like chicks, Todd loves the long ball, which makes it almost certain that Ryan Howard is looking at his own figure, possibly in late 2006.

And the curse and drought will live on.


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Copyright 2006 The Phanatic