Everything's fine... Nothing to see here

By Steven Lienert

Over the years of growing up and going to games down at the Vet, I was there so often I got used to the smell of urine and garbage. By the end of its existence, not only didn't I mind it, I embraced it.

I think the Phillies front office has gotten used to, even embraced, the stink emanating from their baseball team.

Maybe Dave Montgomery, Scott Palmer, Pat Gillick and everyone else in the Phillies organization have it right and the fans are all wrong.

Perhaps we should all cut them a break, be supportive and root, root, root for the home team.

You know what? I'm down.

I'll still be going to the ballgame against the Pirates on July 7th. I'll be in section 138 wearing a bright-red Phillies jersey with Lienert, No. 39, on the back .

Everyone's invited to come drink some Kool-Aid with me.

Who cares if Ike Turner is our best pitcher? Why should I care if the right-fielder makes $400,000 less than the Florida Marlins, who are 1/2 game ahead of the Fightin' Phils as we speak? What's the difference to me if I root for a team that needs to take regular doses of Zoloft?

It's all good in the hood!

As my boss would say, "I think he's really trying."

And shouldn't that be good enough for us? Shouldn't we be happy that we even have a major-league baseball team to root for in the first place?

I mean, I'm relatively certain that the Phillies, if they had their druthers, wouldn't actually consciously choose to lose almost every game. I think.

But there's a jewel of a stadium down in South Philly to keep us from remembering that it's for one lousy franchise.

The Phillies are drawing so many fans down to the Band Box this season (albeit mostly fans of the opposing team), they have begun rewarding the paying customers with awesome promotional ideas to fill those few remaining empty chairs.

Take the upcoming series against the mighty San Diego Padres. In a recent e-mail, the Phillies will have a buy-one-get-one free ticket deal, Dollar Dog Day, Run the Bases Day, Rooftop Thursday, College Night and fireworks to draw people to the Band Box.

Whatever it takes to get fans not to notice what's going on in the field!

I mean, the organization is setting new standards for futility. We should embrace what we have: the losingest franchise in the history of American sports.

At Yankee Stadium, they proudly display that the team has won 26 world championships. They've embraced what they are.

Let's put a counter somewhere in the Band Box counting down to 10,000 losses. They can put up banners celebrating the '64 collapse, Joe Carter's home run and Danny Tartabull's long-lasting legacy while donning Phillies pinstripes.

Every team has a Wall of Fame. How about a walk of shame? Think of the possibilities! An all-shame team made up of stiffs like Travis Lee, Steve Jeltz, Rick Schu, Lance Parrish, Gregg Jeffries, Von Hayes, Pat Combs and Paul Abbott.

Frankly, I'm just happy one of our outfielders haven't assaulted a police officer. But maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up just yet. The season's not even half over.

Red Means Go? So far, Red Means Blow.

Steve Lienert can be reached at stevelienert@hotmail.com or at stevel@phillysportsline.com


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