Heather or Carmella

By John McMullen

Without Donovan McNabb, the outlook for rest of the Philadelphia Eagles season seems dreary and I am resigned to that fact.

The definition of mediocrity that is the Birds must now find ways to win games with weak-armed veteran Jeff Garcia or journeyman A.J. Feeley.

As quarterbacks, Garcia and Feeley have just two things going for them -- they’re not Mike McMahon or Koy Detmer.

Garcia was once a somebody. But, after watching the former three-time Pro Bowl selection in San Francisco replace DMac against the Titans, it was clear to even the most obtuse that Jeff’s days of playing at a high level are extinct.

Meanwhile, Feeley is reviled in both Miami and San Diego after flaming out in both cities. The favorite of Eagles fans with nary a clue hasn't thrown a pass in a regular-season game since December of 2004 and you can bet that was a duck.

In what can only be described as a brilliant move strategically -- in between clearing his throat -- Andy Reid wouldn't name a starter for the upcoming game at Indianapolis, saying he needed to talk with his coaching staff before committing.

Now Tony Dungy will no doubt endure a few sleepless nights trying to conjure up a ways to stop both players.

Sarcasm aside -- simply put -- no matter who Reid chooses -- the Eagles are screwed.

Things aren’t going to look pretty over the next six weeks -- unless you look to the stands of course.

Garcia and Feeley might be bad NFL quarterbacks but there is one aspect of life in which they are excelling.

The girlfriends.

Feeley reportedly snagged soccer hottie Heather Mitts away from another overrated Philly area athlete, Pat Burrell, and actor John Cusack a number of years ago. And, Garcia, despite being labeled as gay by our favorite lunatic -- Terrell Owens -- trumped Feeley by hooking up with former Playboy Playmate of the Year, Carmella DeCesare.

So, let’s just hope the boys invite their significant others to watch them play and Fox is wise enough to give us an ample amount of reaction shots.

At least that’s something.


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Copyright 2006
The Phanatic